Are you an INFJ who struggles to maintain friendships?
Do you often find yourself feeling guilty for prioritizing your life goals over socializing?
You’re not alone.
INFJs are known for their deep connections and authenticity, but their introverted nature and intense focus on personal growth can make it difficult to maintain friendships.
In this article, we’ll explore the reasons why INFJs often struggle with friendships and offer some insights into how they can build meaningful connections with like-minded individuals.
So, if you’re an INFJ looking to understand why you don’t have many friends, keep reading.
Why INFJ Don’t Have Friends
INFJs are unique individuals who possess a rare combination of traits that make them stand out from the crowd. They are known for their deep empathy, authenticity, and strong sense of purpose. However, these same traits can also make it challenging for INFJs to maintain friendships.
One of the main reasons why INFJs struggle with friendships is their intense focus on personal growth and life goals. INFJs are not content with just going through the motions of life; they want to make a meaningful impact on the world. This requires a lot of energy, faith, and persistence, which can leave little time for socializing.
INFJs also have a tendency to be introverted, which means they need plenty of alone time to recharge their batteries. This can make it difficult for them to maintain friendships, especially if their friends don’t understand their need for solitude.
Another reason why INFJs struggle with friendships is their high standards for connection. INFJs crave deep, meaningful relationships and are not satisfied with surface-level interactions. They want to connect with others on a soulful level and share their personal experiences. This can be challenging in a world where most people are content with small talk and superficial connections.
INFJs also have a unique way of processing information and making decisions, which can make it difficult for them to relate to others who don’t share their perspective. This can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, which can further exacerbate their struggles with friendships.
The Introverted Nature Of INFJs
One of the defining characteristics of INFJs is their introverted nature. While they cherish meaningful friendships, they have little tolerance for people who don’t align with their values. Most INFJs don’t want a large circle of friends, and that’s okay! However, many INFJs also struggle with feeling lonely due to their small or nonexistent circle of friends.
According to Myers-Briggs, INFJs (or the Advocate) are the rarest personality type of all, making up roughly 1-2% of the population. So purely statistically speaking, the odds are very slim for INFJs to meet other INFJs or like-minded people. Furthermore, catching an INFJ in the wild is hard, due to their strong need for a lot of alone time. As lone wolf types who avoid large crowds or places where many people tend to congregate, there aren’t any real natural public spaces or social events where you’ll find an INFJ (maybe the library).
INFJs don’t trust people easily because they are highly discerning of the intentions of others. They have a strong sense of intuition and can easily pick up on dishonesty, manipulation, or any other signs of someone being disingenuous with them. So, if you try to fool them with a fake persona, they’ll see right through it. And since INFJs value authenticity so much, they go out of their way to avoid people who are dishonest or manipulative.
INFJs also have a talent for language and are usually quite good at expressing themselves. They have a vivid inner life but are often hesitant to share this with others, except for those closest to them. While they are quiet and sensitive, INFJs can also be good leaders. Even when they don’t take on overt leadership roles, they often act as quiet influencers behind the scenes.
The Struggle To Balance Personal Growth And Socializing
One of the biggest struggles for INFJs is finding a balance between their personal growth and socializing. INFJs are highly motivated individuals who are constantly striving to achieve their goals and fulfill their life’s purpose. This requires a lot of time and energy, which can leave little room for socializing.
INFJs also have a strong need for alone time to recharge and process their thoughts and emotions. This can make it difficult for them to attend social events or maintain consistent contact with friends. INFJs may cancel plans or respond briefly to communication attempts, which can be perceived as flaky or uninterested by their friends.
On the other hand, INFJs also crave deep connections and meaningful relationships. They want to share their experiences with others and feel understood and accepted. However, finding people who align with their values and interests can be challenging, especially since INFJs are the rarest personality type.
To make matters more complicated, INFJs may feel guilty about prioritizing their personal growth over socializing. They may feel like they are being selfish or neglecting their relationships. This can lead to a cycle of guilt, loneliness, and self-doubt.
To overcome this struggle, INFJs need to find a balance between their personal growth and socializing. This means prioritizing their goals and aspirations while also making time for meaningful connections with others. INFJs can try to find like-minded individuals through online communities or by attending events related to their interests.
It’s also important for INFJs to communicate their needs with their friends and loved ones. They can explain that they need alone time to recharge but still value their relationships. By being open and honest, INFJs can build stronger connections with those who understand and accept them for who they are.
The Difficulty Of Finding Like-Minded Individuals
One of the biggest challenges for INFJs when it comes to friendships is finding like-minded individuals. INFJs are the rarest personality type according to Myers-Briggs, making up only 1-2% of the population. This means that statistically speaking, it is unlikely for INFJs to meet other INFJs or people who share their values and interests.
INFJs also tend to avoid large crowds and social events, preferring instead to spend time alone or with a small group of close friends. This can make it difficult for them to meet new people and expand their social circle.
Furthermore, INFJs have a unique way of processing information and making decisions that can make it challenging for them to relate to others who don’t share their perspective. They value authenticity and empathy, which can be difficult to find in a world that often values superficiality and self-interest.
INFJs also have high standards for connection and crave deep, meaningful relationships. They want to connect with others on a soulful level and share their personal experiences. However, finding individuals who are willing and able to reciprocate this level of connection can be challenging.
The Fear Of Being Misunderstood Or Judged
One of the biggest fears that INFJs face when it comes to friendships is the fear of being misunderstood or judged. INFJs have a complex inner world that can be difficult for others to understand. They often feel like they live on their own planet and struggle to find others who share their perspective.
This fear of being misunderstood can lead to INFJs restricting what they allow themselves to share with others. They may only expose the minutest details of their inner thoughts and feelings, even to close friends they have known for years. This can create a sense of distance and emotional disconnect in their relationships.
Furthermore, when INFJs do choose to share their views and outlook on the world, they can be met with confusion or skepticism from others. This is because INFJs have a tendency to view the world through an idealistic and abstract lens, which can be difficult for others to relate to.
This fear of being misunderstood or judged can also lead INFJs to hide their true selves from others. They may feel like they have to put on a mask or act a certain way in order to fit in and be accepted. This can be exhausting and can prevent them from forming deep, authentic connections with others.
Coping Strategies For INFJs To Build Meaningful Connections
Despite the challenges that INFJs face when it comes to building friendships, there are several coping strategies that they can use to build meaningful connections.
Firstly, INFJs need to be kind to themselves and understand that it’s okay to prioritize their personal growth and life goals. They should not feel guilty for needing alone time to recharge their batteries. In fact, they should embrace their need for solitude and use it as an opportunity to reflect on their experiences and emotions.
Secondly, INFJs should focus on building quality over quantity when it comes to friendships. They should not feel pressured to collect friends like baseball cards, but rather focus on developing genuine relationships with people who share their values and interests. This may take time, but it’s worth the effort in the long run.
Thirdly, INFJs should seek out like-minded individuals who share their perspective and values. This can be done by attending events or joining groups that align with their interests. They can also use online platforms such as social media or forums to connect with others who share similar experiences.
Fourthly, INFJs should practice effective communication skills to express their thoughts and emotions clearly. This can help them build deeper connections with others by allowing them to share their personal experiences and perspectives.
Finally, INFJs should be open-minded and willing to learn from others who have different perspectives. They should not be afraid to step out of their comfort zone and engage in conversations that challenge their beliefs. This can help them broaden their horizons and build meaningful connections with a diverse range of people.
Embracing Your Authenticity As An INFJ
As an INFJ, it’s important to embrace your unique personality type and recognize that it’s okay to have a small circle of close friends rather than a large group of acquaintances. Quality over quantity is key for INFJs, and it’s important to focus on building deep, meaningful connections with those who truly understand and appreciate you.
It’s also important to prioritize self-care and alone time, as INFJs need plenty of space to recharge their batteries and reflect on their personal goals and values. This may mean saying no to social events or activities that don’t align with your values or drain your energy.
Embrace your creativity and unique perspective, as these are valuable traits that can inspire and motivate others. Don’t be afraid to share your passions and interests with those close to you, as this can deepen your connections and foster a sense of understanding and acceptance.
Remember that being an INFJ is a gift, and while it may come with its challenges in terms of friendships, it also offers a depth of empathy, authenticity, and purpose that is rare and valuable. Embrace your authenticity as an INFJ, and trust that the right people will come into your life at the right time.